A Sexual Matter
by WritelkeUmeanit
Summary: Lorelai has a problem, and oh gee, I wonder who could help her. Two-shot.
1. Erotically Charged

_Lorelai has a problem, and oh gee, I wonder who could help her. _

So I was watching _Friends _the other day and I thought, oooh, idea! And because I'm going for more of a comedy/smutty Fic here, I'm just going to give some quick background info, then get right into it.

Kay, let's see, we're in the end of S4. Both Luke and Lorelai are single. Luke and Nicole went their separate ways after the cruise and Lorelai never went out with Jason. Though the month is late May, we're going to pretend Rory is still at Yale for a few more weeks. The Dragonfly is recently up and running. And, um, yeah, that should about cover it- oh, no wait, how could I forget; Lorelai is pregnant with Luke's baby, :D.

Enjoy!

**A Sexual Matter**

**Chapter One: Erotically Charged**

_Dragon_fly

"Oh my God, oh my God," Lorelai groaned while dragging herself through the kitchen.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Sookie panicked from the counter. "I thought the morning sickness passed."

"You mean the all day sickness?" Lorelai questioned while falling to a stool. "Damn doctors, they're liars, all of 'em. Even the Clooney look alike who wonders around my hoohah, he's a liar too. I'll never believe anything he says, never, ever again," Lorelai stressed. "Morning sickness my ass," she grumbled.

"What's wrong?" Sookie prodded.

Lorelai shook her head while looking around the kitchen.

"Boys! Leave us!"

Though the kitchen staff was merely weeks old, they've quickly gotten used to being shooed away at a moment's notice. One by one they filed from the room and once the last person was gone, Lorelai turned back to Sookie.

"Okay, go."

"Hey, they out number us," Lorelai said through a frown.

"Who?"

"The men, there's so many men," Lorelai explained.

Through furrowed brows, Sookie asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You're the only chick in the kitchen, I'm the only one with a uterus at the front desk and Tanya's the only maid with cleavage. How the hell did that happen?"

Sookie threw her hands up in surrender and said, "hey, don't look at me; you and Michel hired everyone."

"I mean I've only ever seen female maids. When I worked at the Independence cleaning rooms, it was innies all the way. When have you seen a guy maid?"

"Um-"

"Never, that's when. What possessed me to hire a male maid?"

"Blond hair, blue eyes, nice butt," Sookie reminded her through a growing smile.

"Great, I'm hiring people just cause they're hot. I should have at least hired a girl bell boy; that woulda evened things out. "

"Then fire blondie and hire a girl," Sookie reasoned.

"I can't, that's the problem!" Lorelai exclaimed.

"I'm confused."

Lorelai blew out a breath while her chin fell to her palms. Her elbows were poised on the counter as her gaze fell to the dinner Sookie was making.

"Come on, you're killing me here!"

Loreai looked up before saying, "I'm pregnant."

Sookie waited a beat then said, "Yes, I know. I bought the stick that confirmed it."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "This didn't happen when you were pregnant?"

Through her giggles, Sookie said, "what? You haven't told me what's going on."

"It's embarrassing."

"You were at my house when I gave birth to Davy. I touched the stick you peed on. We're passed anything being embarrassing," Sookie reasoned.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Come on, tell me."

"Fine," Lorelai gave. She sat up, took a breath, then said, "I have a problem," Lorelai whispered.

"Yes, I know," Sookie whispered back through a grin. "And that problem is…?"

"I, um… what's the word… I'm… erotically charged."

"That a fancy way of saying you're horny?"

"Okay, there was a reason I used the fancy word."

Sookie smiled. "So you've been hot and bothered?"

"Yes, this whole week. Ever since I've gotten into my second trimester, I've been all keyed up."

"Well, honey, that's normal."

"Yeah? I mean I can't really remember with Rory. And you know, I was 16. I was knocked up and terrified. Sex was the last thing on my mind, but now-"

"Now you're ready for a little lovin'?"

Through a sigh Lorelai said, "yes."

"And I'm guessing Ricky isn't doing the trick?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Poor little piece-a plastic; he's got nothing compared to-"

"Luke?"

Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Sookie. "A man. He's got nothing compared to a real, live, breathing man."

"So to Luke?"

"Sookie," Lorelai warned.

Sookie giggled. "Well, you said a man. Luke's a man."

"I know Luke's a man. That fact was well proven to me, and in God's house of all places. "

"I still can't believe you guys hooked up in a church."

"I can't believe we did it next to the bells, the holy bells."

"The holy bells that you guys broke," Sookie said through a grin.

"Yeah, well at least he broke 'em before the act. Those stupid bells would-a woken me up every hour. It was hard enough sleeping in a dusty, dirty attic that had spider webs in every corner."

"And the ringing would've broken concentration, if you know what I mean," Sookie hedged.

"Probably," Lorelai said while looking down at her growing tummy. "Although then I wouldn't' be in this predicament."

"Yeah," Sookie agreed softly. "But oh man, the look on Reverend Skinner's face when he opened the door in the morning and saw you guys sleeping."

"How would you know how his face looked?"

"Oh, Kirk was there delivering candles. He got a picture."

"Does that man carry a camera with him _everywhere_ he goes? My Gosh."

Through a shrug Sookie said, "You know Kirk's motto- always be prepared for the possible Kodak moment."

"Ugh," Lorelai groaned while her forehead fell to her folded arms that rested on the counter. "Stupid crappy door. If we didn't get locked in all night, this never would've happened."

"Aw, honey, it'll be okay," Sookie assured her best friend while patting her back.

"Yeah," Lorelai said while pulling a small smile, "I guess."

_Later_

_Diner_

Luke was standing behind the counter with frowning lips and lines of worry creasing his forehead. His concerned gaze was firm on a certain Gilmore girl that was sitting alone by the window. She had come in over an hour ago. She ordered coffee, which of course Luke made sure was decaf, and her usual burger and fries. The meal was consumed in two minutes. She managed to down two cups of coffee in-between bites. All was as it should be, but for the past hour, her face sat in her hand and her eyes remained on the window. She hadn't said a word and she barely moved an inch.

Just as Luke was about to visit her table to find out what was wrong, her cell started ringing. Luke figured she'd answer it and snap out of her daze, but one ring, two rings, three rings, four rings and nothing. It was like she didn't even hear it. Her hand didn't budge and neither did her head.

Quickly, Luke swung around the counter while grabbing a donut from the case. When he got to her table, he put the donut down. No response.

"Lorelai."

Nothing.

"Your phone was just ringing."

Nothing.

"Hey, there's a fire in the kitchen; you gotta get out."

Nothing.

Luke sighed while hanging his hands on his hips.

"Shoe sale!"

"What?" Lorelai asked as her head whipped around in a second.

"That you answer, but when I tell you there's a fire you don't move a muscle."

"There's a fire?" Lorelai questioned through furrowed brows.

"If there was you'd be dead by now."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"You've been here for over an hour."

"So?

"You're taking up a table for three."

"Yes, and me, myself and I are very happy to be sitting here."

Luke blew out a frustrated breath. "You've been done for an hour. I need to clear this table."

"Why? I'm the only one here."

"It's almost five. The dinner rush will be coming in soon."

"So, what, you're kicking me out?" Lorelai asked while turning back to face him. "I know we're not together, but it's _your _bun that I'm baking in my oven. One would think that would grant me some extra table time."

"It did. An hour's worth. Now up," Luke demanded gruffly.

"Fine," Lorelai gave in while getting to her feet. "Nice way to treat the woman you impregnated."

"Lorelai," he warned.

"Luke," she mocked while grabbing her purse.

"What the hell were you starring at anyway?"

"What?"

"For the past hour, you've just sat there starring out the window," he said while gesturing to her vacated seat. "What were you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing, " Lorelai denied quickly while shaking her head. "Just looking around, you know, checking out the sites, watching birds land on telephone lines and squirrels climb up trees. I wonder if they ever get electrocuted. I mean hanging out on wires all day, that can't be safe. They should stick to trees and sidewalks. Although even sidewalks aren't safe. Gotta look out for dogs and raccoons and humans and bikes and all that big stuff."

Luke eyed her skeptically and asked, "something wrong?"

"No, why?"

Luke shrugged. "Seems like something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine, your seed is fine, everything is fine."

"Okay, if you say so."

"I do."

"Okay."

"Okay. I have to get back to the Inn," Lorelai said while pointing to the door.

"Yeah, okay, see ya later."

Lorelai nodded while turning to leave. "Oh, and I have that appointment tomorrow."

"What appointment?"

"For the baby."

"Right, right," Luke realized through a nod.

"Yeah. I mean you don't have to come if you don't want to, but since you have been coming and you said from the start that you wanted to be included in the baby stuff, I thought I should remind you about it."

"Yeah, no, I want to come," Luke said firmly.

Lorelai smiled. "Okay, well tomorrow at 1."

"I'll pick you up at the Inn."

"You sure?"

Luke nodded.

"Okay. I'll probably see you tonight, but if not, tomorrow then."

"Okay, tomorrow."

"Bye, Luke," Lorelai said before opening the door to leave.

"Bye," Luke returned before turning back to the table. He grabbed the used fork and knife from the surface, tossed the utensils to the plate, then swiped the empty coffee mug while standing up right. With the dirty dish in hand, Luke stepped in the direction of the kitchen, but turned back around when curiosity struck.

From what he could tell, there was nothing special going on outside. Some kids were playing in the park. The door to Patty's was open and her ballet class was in session. Here and there a car passed through the street. A few construction workers were fixing a pothole. An elderly couple sat on the bench by the bus stop. A kid was riding his scooter through the gazebo. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing worth staring out. Or so he thought.

Luke was about to give up the search and turn for the kitchen when he spotted Lorelai outside. She was looking at something. Her attention was glued to one of the construction guys who was pulling his shirt over his head. Luke's eyes widened when Lorelai was apparently so distracted by the guy that she crossed the street without looking an almost got hit by an oncoming car. The truck beeped, followed by Lorelai shouting's voice yelling"I'm sorry!" before she hurried to the other side. The truck moved on and Lorelai stared straight ahead as she hurried on with her journey.

"Great," Luke mumbled while sending flying daggers to the half naked tan guy who had abs that even Luke was impressed by. "Just great."

Suffice to say, Luke wasn't happy with the mother of his unborn child ogling some strange guy. Luke wasn't happy that Lorelai was ogling some strange guy.

_Next Day_

_Inn_

Lorelai sighed while walking through the front door to the Dragonfly Inn at 12:24 pm.

"Before you say anything, I know I bailed this morning, but you're a big boy, Michel; I think after all this time you can sign for a stupid linen delivery so please, can we skip the part where you cuss me out in French and I threaten to fire you and can we just get on with our lives because I'm in no mood to be Venus to your Serena today. Okay? Than- you're not Michel."

Lorelai stopped dead in her tracks when a man popped out from behind the desk.

"Hello!" the mystery guy greeted brightly.

"Um, hello," Lorelai said carefully.

"Are you Lorelai?"

"Um-"

"I'm Simon! It's nice to meet you!"

Lorelai looked down through furrowed brows at his open hand that she assumed he wanted her to shake.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Simon," he said simply while pulling a bigger smile, if that were possible.

"Yes, but who are you? Where did you come from?"

"I came from New York City," he said proudly. "But it was too crazy there so I moved here. "

"New York, huh?" Lorelai said while looking around nervously.

"The city that never sleeps," he confirmed.

"And is there a reason you're behind the desk? I mean you don't wo-"

"Simon! Where are you?!" an approaching voice shouted.

"In here!" the man called happily.

Sookie rounded the lobby to find the man she was looking for. "Why are you behind the desk?"

"My question first," Lorelai said.

"You said I could wait for her," Simon said while pointing to Lorelai.

"Yes, but in the lobby, Simon, not behind the desk."

"Oh, sorry. I needed a pen," he said while holding up the tool in question.

"Who is this guy?" Lorelai whispered urgently into Sookie's ear.

"Simon," the chef.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Does he belong to you? Because if I don't let Michel bring his dogs to work, why should I let you bring your psycho friend?" she asked, her tone hushed.

"Hey, equal partnership," Sookie said while pointing between her and Lorelai. "And he isn't a psycho," she whispered harshly.

"Oh, I beg to differ."

"You know, you're really pretty," Simon complimented while smiling at Lorelai. "Much prettier than your picture."

Lorelai's eyes widened as Simon pulled a picture of her from his pocket.

"Sookie, kitchen, now," Lorelai demanded before turning on her heel.

"Be right back," Sookie promised. "And maybe you should sit in the lobby. We don't want Michel finding you. "

_Kitchen_

"You mind explaining our guest?" Lorelai asked while walking through the room.

"His name is Simon-"

"I know his name is Simon; that part came through loud and clear. What I don't know is why he's here or why he has a picture of me. You wanna connect the dots?"

"He works with Jackson. He's good with oranges or something, I don't know," Sookie said through a shake of her head. "Anyway, he's single and more than willing to help you out."

"Help me out?"

"Yeah, you know, with your problem," Sookie hedged.

"My problem?" Lorelai asked confusedly. "What are you- Oh my God!" she exclaimed suddenly as it all clicked. "You want me to date him? You want me to date Simon from the city that never sleeps whose good with oranges? Are you serious?!"

"No, no, not date him!" Sookie denied while following Lorelai around the kitchen. "He's not looking for a relationship and I know you aren't now either, but what is he looking for is some action," she said through a grin.

"Oh my God, Sookie, you've officially crossed the line to extreme weirdness."

"I'm just trying to help you!"

"By bringing some strange guy for me to roll around in the sac with!?"

"Yes! You said you needed sex so I bought you sex!" Sookie defended.

"I don't want to just sleep with some random guy!"

"Fine, but you're telling him it's off because he was really looking forward to it!" Sookie huffed before turning to leave the kitchen.

Lorelai sighed while falling to a stool.

_Lobby_

Sookie stomped from the kitchen with an angry frown on her face. Her sights were set on Simon but she ran into Luke before she could reach him.

"Hey, whoa, slow down," Luke cautioned when she almost ran into him.

"Can't, I need to find Simon."

"Who?"

"Simon. He won't be having sex tonight and he's gonna be very upset it," Sookie explained briefly before walking around Luke to get to the lobby.

"Wait, what?" Luke asked while spinning around.

"No sex!"

"Uh, okay," Luke mumbled with a confused shake of his head.

"Why are you here, diner man?" Michel asked dully while passing Luke.

"I'm looking for Lorelai," Luke explained while following the manager to the check-in desk.

"If she decided to actually come to work today, she's probably in the kitchen drinking coffee or having a danish. Ever since she started bloating up like a balloon, she's been leaving me to do all the work," Michel said while glaring at Luke. "This is your fault. Just because she's pregnant she thinks she can come and go whenever she pleases. I'm one man; I can't do everything!"

"Leave her alone, Michel," Luke growled before turning to leave.

"Do not tell me what to do!"

"Putz," Luke muttered while walking down the short hall to the kitchen.

"Hey, Lorelai, you in here?" Luke called while pushing the door open.

Lorelai turned from her seat at the counter and said, "Oh, hey. Time to go?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Let me just grab some coffee."

Luke nodded while following her to the coffee machine.

"So what's going on out there?"

"What?" Lorelai asked while pouring liquid into a to-go cup.

"Sookie. She's acting weird. Something about some Simon guy."

"Oh, the crazy guy."

"What?"

"He works with Jackson or something, I don't know, but she wants me to have sex with him."

"What?!" Luke demanded through wide eyes.

"Easy, Cujo, I said no," Lorelai assured him while putting a lid on the cup. "Her heart was in the right place, and I know, getting knocked up twice by two different men may give off the impression that I'm all loose and free, but I'm not, especially now, and I'm not just gonna hop into bed with some freak who has my picture, even if I am desperate. Not gonna happen," she said before taking a sip of coffee. Before Luke could respond, her mouth opened again. "Hey, wait, why do you care?"

"What?"

"You just freaked when I mentioned the sex thing with Simon. Why did you freak out?"

"I didn't freak out," Luke denied gruffly.

"You looked all shocked and you're voice got all high- that's called freaking out. If you don't believe me, Wikipedia freaked out and you'll find that definition," she promised.

"Can we just go?" he asked impatiently. "We're gonna be late."

"Not until you answer my question."

Luke sighed impatiently while hanging his hands on his hips. "I don't think you should be sleeping with other guys right now, okay."

"I'm not."

"Right, and you shouldn't be."

"But you said other guys, like I'm already sleeping with someone."

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't."

"Lorelai," he warned.

"Don't Lorelai me. What did you mean by that?"

"I mean you're pregnant. Isn't this a bad time to be starting something with some guy you don't know," he said while waving his hand toward the door.

"Yes."

"Okay then, let's go," he said while turning for the door.

"But the plan wasn't to date him; the plan was to sleep with him. Well, that was Sookie's plan."

"A plan that you said no to. Right?" he asked.

"Right," Lorelai confirmed while eyeing him carefully.

"So you're not gonna sleep with him?"

"Nope."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is, being preggo with your ego has me ready to go 24/7."

"Jeez," Luke mumbled.

"You asked."

"Can we just go?"

"After you."

_TBC…_

**Review? Pretty please with sugar on top and coffee in the middle, :D. Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed!**


	2. Sensually Agreed

A big, big thank you to everyone who read and reviewed!!!! You're the best!!!!

Enjoy!

**A Sexual Matter**

**Chapter Two: Sensually Agreed**

Lorelai looked down at the small black and white picture that sat between her fingers. She stared at the sonogram carefully, her eyes taking in every aspect of the photo.

"Looks weird."

"What does?" Luke asked while driving them back home.

"This. The baby. Like a little alien or something."

Luke shrugged. "It'll look normal when it comes out."

"Yeah," Lorelai murmured as her brows furrowed. "You think it will be a boy or a girl?"

"I have no idea."

"But which do you want?"

"As long as it doesn't have an extra head or anything, I'm good either way."

"I'm not sure if I'll be any good with a boy," Lorelai worried.

"I've seen you with Davy. You'll be fine," he assured her.

"I hope so."

"You shouldn't be thinking about that yet, anyway. Why don't we just stick to worrying about getting the baby here in one piece first, okay?"

"You're right," Lorelai agreed while slipping the photo into her purse. "So, um, about earlier."

"What about it?" Luke asked while giving her a quick glance.

"You know, at the Inn… I shouldn't have told you about my little problem. That was inappropriate. I'm sorry."

Luke scoffed. "Since when do you care about saying something inappropriate?"

"Since things got a lot more complicated between us."

"You made it that way," Luke muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Lorelai sighed. "Can you just accept my apology?"

"There's no need for an apology. It was no big deal," Luke argued while passing the 'Welcome to Stars Hollow' sign.

"Luke, please."

The man made the mistake of looking her way. Her frown gave him no choice. "Fine. I accept your apology," he said gruffly.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They drove in silence for a few minutes as Luke guided the truck to the Inn. After pulling up in front and putting the car in park, he sighed while turning to the girl next to him.

"I'm sorry. You know, that you're uncomfortable," he said awkwardly.

She flashed an amused smile. "As you should be."

"Lorelai," he warned.

"Relax," she said while patting his knee. "I think I can muddle through it."

"You shouldn't have to," he murmured with his head down.

"Luke, come on, this is no one's fault, okay? It takes two to tango. Now yes, this whole 'the woman has to carry the baby thing' has left me and God on not so great terms, but this is the way it is. I can deal with it, I promise."

"But you're not happy."

"Luke-"

"You didn't ask for this, Lorelai. Rory's at Yale, you finally have the Inn… I'm sorry. You're stuck now and you have no idea how sorry I am."

"Luke, look at me. Please."

After trailing his gaze to hers, Lorelai said, "We both agreed to be in this, Luke. But if you didn't want to be involved, if you didn't want to help, then I wouldn't be happy. But the fact that you've been in this from day one, that you're so willing to be apart of this, that makes me happy. Yes, getting pregnant wasn't on my to -do list and hooking up in church wasn't something I planned, but things happen for a reason, right?"

"I guess," he agreed doubtfully.

"They do. I really believe that. And I also believe that if I don't get inside, Michel will panic, throw a hissy fit, and end up on the floor in the fetal position, so I'll see ya later, Luke," Lorelai said while turning to climb from the truck.

After watching her disappear inside, Luke blew out a breath while falling back against the seat.

_Later_

_The Inn_

"Hey, what about Luke?"

"What about Luke?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, he could help you out. I mean you're pregnant with this kid, so he's already seen the goods. Why not ask him?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Lorelai said before popping a strawberry into her mouth.

"I'm serious!"

"Sookie, come on."

"What? It's the perfect idea! He's seen you naked, you've seen him naked, so why not get naked together!"

"Uh, because we're _not _together."

"Not being together didn't stop you from gettin' down and dirty the first time," Sookie pointed out.

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "There will be no more getting down and dirty for me and Luke. It happened once; that's it. End of story," Lorelai said firmly before leaving the kitchen.

"I bet he'd be more than willing!"

_Diner_

"Hey, Patty, usual?" Luke asked when one of his regular customers walked through the door and to her table.

"Yes, gorgeous, and a moment of your time if you wouldn't mind."

"What?" he questioned while writing her order down.

"Do you know what happens to pregnant women, Luke?"

"Besides the obvious?"

"I've never had a baby myself," Patty started through a growing smile, "but even I know what happens to a woman's hormones when she's pregnant."

"Ah, jeez," Luke groaned.

"You did the deed, now you should be man enough to satisfy the urge."

"Hey, this is none of your business," the man warned.

"It is my business, if you wont' help the poor girl. I know plenty of young, single bachelors who'd be more than willing to take the edge off. You should see Mark. He's a trainer with abs of a Greek God," the dance teacher purred.

"Patty, I mean it, stay outta this.

"My involvement, or lack there of, depends on you, you naughty boy."

"Fine, whatever, do what you want; I don't care," Luke grumped before stalking off.

Patty grinned while knowing that her mission to add fuel to the fire was a success.

_Later_

Luke thought about it all day. He couldn't help it. Every time he served a plate or took an order or wiped down the counter, he thought about that stupid Mark guy, and that made him angry. There were a number of times when he almost fled from the diner to find Lorelai, to stop Patty from getting to her, but then he managed to talk himself out of leaving every time because he knew it was crazy.

But then, just after Luke flipped the 'open' sign to 'closed,' he spotted Lorelai's car rounding the corner; she was on her way home.

"Luke! I'm stuck!" Caesar called from the back.

The man sighed before slapping the old rag to the counter, then hurrying to the storeroom.

_XOX_

After freeing Caesar from the fallen boxes, then putting the chaotic storeroom back in order, Luke hurried to Lorelai's house. When he got there, he found Patty leaving through the front door.

"Well, hello there."

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked suspiciously, though he had a clue.

"Oh, I just had to give something to Lorelai," the woman explained through a sly smile.

Luke narrowed his eyes at the woman before running up the porch and through the front door.

"Lorelai!"

"Yeah?" the Gilmore called distractedly from the kitchen. "In here!"

Quickly, Luke rounded the foyer then turned down the hall to find Lorelai sitting at the kitchen table, her eyes glued to the mess of pictures that covered most of the surface. The scene made him stop in his tracks.

"What the hell is this?"

"What's what?" she asked while looking over the photos.

"This!" Luke boomed while gesturing to the cluttered table. "Patty gave those to you, didn't she? Damn town; no one can mind their own business around here."

"Turns out Sookie isn't the only one concerned over my sexual well being," Lorelai explained before trailing her eyes to Luke. "What do you think about this one?" she asked while holding up a picture. "Cute, huh? With the blond hair and the green eyes. He kinda looks like a beach bum, but I can work around that."

"No, not cute!" Luke refused while snatching the picture from her hand.

"Hey!"

"I thought you weren't gonna sleep with anyone!"

"I'm not!" she argued while getting to her feet.

"Then you don't need this," he decided before ripping the picture in half, then tossing the torn pieces to the garbage pale.

Lorelai's eyes widened at the action. "Have you flipped your lid?! Why did you do that?!"

Luke shrugged. "You said you didn't need it."

Lorelai narrowed her eyes at him before turning to the table. "Is your ball cap on inside out or something? What has gotten into you?" she asked while gathering the rest of the pictures.

"AIDs, HIV, herpes, hepatitis."

"What?"

"All things you can get if you sleep with one of these jerks."

"Oh my God," Lorelai muttered while turning to face him. "I am not going to sleep with anyone!"

"Then why did you take those from her!?"

"Because she gave me no choice! God, Luke, what is your problem?"

"What's _your_ problem?" he countered.

"Excuse me?" she challenged.

Luke sighed while hanging his hands on his hips.

A moment later he said, "Ill do it."

"Do what?"

"Help you."

"Help me do what?"

"You know what," he growled.

"Nooooooo, I don't know what."

Luke blew out a frustrated breath. "You need someone to sleep with you, I'll sleep you," he volunteered while jabbing a finger to his chest.

Lorelai looked at him for a moment as if he instantly grew another head. "I'm sorry, I think I just hallucinated; what'd you say?"

"Damn it, Lorelai, I'll sleep with you."

The Gilmore narrowed her eyes. "Sookie put you up to this, didn't she?"

"No."

"Am I being 'Punked'?"

"Lorelai," he growled.

"What, Luke, what?! This is crazy! Why are you offering to sleep with me?! What, are you just _that _desperate that you thought you'd go to the crazy, hormonal pregnant lady for a good time? Am I that pathetic?"

"I did this, so I'll sleep with you; I'll help you," he explained simply.

"Oh, you'll sleep with me, how chivalrous of you," Lorelai mocked through a roll of the eyes.

"Do you want to or not?" he demanded impatiently.

"Fine. But only 'cause Ricky sucks."

"Who?"

"Just get your soon to be naked ass upstairs! I don't have all night!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

_The End_

**Opinions? Thoughts? I'd love to hear 'em!**

**Thanks for reading! **

**And Coming Soon to a computer near you…**

'**The Hook Up' – A ridiculously dirty prequel**

**And...**

**'A Unique Affair'- An extremely complicated sequel**


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